the day it almost was

Last night I spoke with our potential BM. She was sweet on the phone. Again our perfect situation. We made plans to meet on saturday at a park in Walnut Creek. I was giddy after getting off the phone although i was a bit shaky at the beginning of the conversation. I simply asked about her and he studies abroad etc.

I had trouble sleeping lat night as my mind was spining about her due date in 10 days.

My morning walk with the dog this morning was at 8. We received a call from our agency at 10am saying that "she" had gone into labor and to stay close to our phones. I got in the shower and could not stop sobbing. I think they were tears of joy that our "perhaps" baby "might" be born today.

I went off to lunch with some girlfriends and tried not to think about it. Although one has 2 kids and the other is pregnant with her second right on schedule. It made me sad I cannot control this part of my life. I thought I'd be a mom by now. However I might have been the one that was not realistic about it all either.

So after 6 hours I finally called our agency back to check in and they let us know "she" had chosen another couple. CRUSH!! The hospital had discouraged her from interviewing potential families today and she went with her initial gut that was a same sex couple.

I respect her decision. Oh but the day it almost was... one of the best days of my life. I know that day is coming but it cannot come too soon!