road to four?

 It seems this saga of ours may not quite be over, just yet.

Our amazing son is 4.5 and we were completely at peace witho our family of three when 18 months ago I had a spontaneous pregnancy which ended up being a blighted ovum (which ended with a D&C). I had another blighted ovum this past fall and miscarried naturally on christmas day 2013. This past April I learned I was pregnant yet again. This time at 7.5 weeks there was a heartbeat. At 9 weeks there was a heartbeat. at 12 weeks we learned our growing little girl had an enlarged bladder and there were 2 cysts on the umbilical cord. The doctor made us assume it was a chromosomal issue and asked if we wanted a CVS. We had the  Harmony NIPT test which gave us great results that it was not Tri21, 18 or 13. We chose to wait 2 weeks and look again. at 13.5 weeks there was a heartbeat. at 14 weeks... there was not.

I had my D&E on July 16th and they sent the tissue away to find out what happened.

The hardest part of the whole scenario was telling G is little sister that had been growing in my tummy was no longer growing. I'm still not sure he understands. Honestly, I'm not sure I do either.

I'm 40 1/2 and I know there are issues that come with that alone but it seems I'm suddenly fertile for the first time and now my eggs are not at their prime.

We haven't decided how to proceed yet. During a conversation with J. I said something that later made me realize I was not ready to hang up the towel. I had said "I'd do this 100 times over if i knew it would eventually work." Physically I know i can I just need to decide if emotionally I can.

The other 2 recent ones had been no embryo so those were easier than this. We had fallen in love with the girl she would become. I trust there has to be a reason she was not meant for this, life but another. It set us on a path of hope which we had not dared to hope before.

Grey's arrival story

This was never published 4 1/2 years ago ;)

We checked in to MGH at 6pm. We had a nice room facing Mt. Tam. It was the finale night for DWTS which kept me occupied while they ran the Non Stress Test. My contractions were mild but consistent at about 7 min apart. His heart rate stayed nice and steady at 139-155 BPM

I took a Misoprostal pill orally at about 8pm which was to soften my cervix to prepare for Pitocin to be administered tuesday am. Since I was doing Ok I could eat a turkey sandwich at 10 pm. best turkey sandwich I ever had (or so i thought at the time). I settled in and was given an Ambien to help me sleep and off we dozed. John had a fold out chair next to me.

At about 6:15 am I felt a 'pop' and then when i got up to use the bathroom I figured out it was my water that had broken. They then monitored my contractions until they got a bit closer together. at 10 at 1 1/2 cm. the anestesiologist came in to inform me he was going in for 2 C sections and would be unavailable for a while. I decided the contractions I was having were getting painful and decided to go ahead with my epidural.

They moved me to the LDR room and started my epidural at about 10. It was interesting to feel the coldness of the epidural going into my back and i was immediately numb and tingly in the toes. I starting feeling sick and actually got sick into johns hands.

and by 1pm i was nearly 10 CM dilated. So we called the boys to tell to get up to MGH and mom was sure I would deliver by 3pm. As I pushed DR. realized he was turned sideways the wrong way so I had to turn on my side and turn on all fours to try and get him turned around. In doing this I had to throw up every time i moved around.

The boys got there around 2 and just hung out and twittered and worked and waited. R popped by to bring me an Orchid. Our nurse Nancy was amazing and kept everything going strong.

At one point I was up on my knees facing the back of the bed and I heard mom pop open a DP and start crunching on pretzels. From there on all I could think about was having an ice cold Diet Coke.

The anesthesiologist came into to check on my pain and topped me off at 4 and then had to wait a bit to resume pushing at 6pm. DR determined I had done all I could and it was time to get him out. His HR stayed steady the whole time but was time. They prepped me for the OR since if the forceps didnt work they would do a C. So I was whisked off and J was outfitted in a set of scrubs.

In the OR nancy was holding one leg and J was holding the other. they had to tell me when to push as I had a full spinal block. I pushed 3 times and they pulled him out at 6:33pm and placed a bloody baby on me. They told me he had "some of my blood on him". it was surreal to hold him all purple and squishy. I'm not sure If i cried when they gave him to us. I was almost in a dream. Then J and they baby were sent over to the warmer to check him out. I could see J cutting the cord and I remember saying I was feeling very cold and felt like I was going to pass out. I then heard DR say I was losing blood fast and the forceps had lacerated my uterus. So I was getting stitches inside and out. The anestesiolgist immediately had a bag of warm fluids into one arm and a BP cuff on the other to stabalize me. They then put me in the paper jacket and inflated it with warm water. J and the baby were sent off to the nursery while they


As they were wheeling me back to my room I asked if I could have a Carbonated Beverage. They asked if I wanted Ginger Ale or 7 up and I said well "actually I want a something stronger like a diet coke"

I then saw mom and the boys in the hallway looking at the baby in the Nursery. they looked so happy and excited.

date is set

so today we set the date to induce the lil guy at 39 weeks. I will go in Monday 11/23 at 6pm to have my cervix preped and spend the nightand Dr. G will start induction on Tuesday morning with pitocin. Hopefully we can start slow and he can be delivered Wed by Dr. D.

fingers crossed all goes well!

today we went in for my 37 week check with my OB. Seems my blood pressure was high and I had retained 5 pounds of fluid from the week before. So I was sent over to Labor and Deliver (jeesh) for some tests. They did an ultrasound to check the fluids around the baby, did 30 minutes of him on a HR monitor and monitored my BP for 1 hour. They took some blood for platelet count and liver function. Those came back OK so he decided to put me on some meds to try and bring the BP down. I go back for observation friday. So fingers are crossed for him to cook a couple more weeks. Plus OB put me on 'limited activity' which means couch chilling until further notice. Poo!

5 weeks to go

i'm getting close and feeling the slowdown. We had a beautiful baby shower this past weekend graciously hosted by Rita and Parker. Now i'm very excited to begin nesting but still have some obstacles in the way. J has been very busy and I need his muscle to get most things accomplished. Its quite frustrating - especially for me - to not be able to move and haul stuff.

The 'smidge' is running out of room and i've had a few days of Braxton Hicks contractions and he's been getting the hiccups. Poor lil guy.

But all in all - i'm happy to report a very non-eventful pregnancy.

32 weeks 3 days

So the lil man is set to arrive in less than 8 weeks. He is sure making his presence known these days by kicks and jabs pretty much constantly. I don't think he means them viciously but he's definitely running out of room. My first shower is this weekend and I'm stoked to share this moment with so many close friends. Many of whom I've watched become parents over the years and been envious.

We are feeling the pressure of a name. It's a big responsibility to give a person a name to live up to. Hopefully one of the ones we've narrowed to will fit him. But we will wait to see which one seems to fit best before we commit.

The nursery is also something that is being procrastinated. I hope to have it set mostly by the first of november.

yay BOY!!

so today we got an official confirmation that 'smidge' is in fact a lil boy! He looked great on the sonogram and can tell how active he is already. He is in constant movement and sometime his nudges can be quite painful. But i'm thrilled to death to be having a son.